Amateur Hour: Motherhood in Essays and Swear Words

Have we met? If so, you won't be surprised I picked up this book. Motherhood? Essays? Swear words? Call me Fraulein Maria 'cause those are a few of my favorite things!

I actually checked out this book because I literally judged a book by its cover. I was picking up a book about a serial killer at the library and this was next to the holds shelf. It had me at "pink grenade full of hearts." And the stuff about swear words. F-yeah, that got me, too.

What I found inside was a book that had me choking back a sob all the way through. There are stories about motherhood and marriage and why we should visit our grandparents. A story about how sad it is to say goodbye to your kids' elementary school when they move on to the next level. Essays that describe what marriage vows would look like if you wrote them 10 years or so after the wedding. What we think of the "hot chicks" who seem to dominate every phase of life. And, thoughts about how we'll someday miss the chaos and noise of a house full of young kids - even if we find ourselves cursing that chaos now.

This book cracked me wide open.

I haven't read many of them, but I know most books about motherhood can gloss over the madness. They tend to make us feel bad for wondering who we are aside from just breeders and glorified udder holders. This book acknowledges the uncertainties and insecurities, reminding us that feeling uncertain is what motherhood - parenthood - is really about. It's about teaching our kids to fly, then wanting to clip their wings when they do. It's honest and real and it made me wish my kids were newborns and also college seniors.

I loved it. And, whether you have young kids at home or grown kids who forget to call, there's something for you that will remind you of all that is overwhelmingly good - and, overwhelmingly hard - about this stage of life.

Maybe judging a book by its cover isn't so bad after all.

I'll Be Gone in the Dark

So, maybe you shouldn't read this if you sleep like the dead. And, you probably shouldn't read it when you're traveling and sleeping alone in a hotel room by yourself. I did both and lived to tell the tale.

I wish I could go back in time and read this before April. Before the man whose legacy haunted families across California was unmasked. Sadly, I had never heard of Michelle McNamara's book - and her death in the midst of writing it - until after the man was arrested. But, the chain of events that led to that arrest intrigued me enough that I felt compelled enough to read the book.

Michelle McNamara was a true crime writer who became obsessed with this man who stalked couples and singles for years. He was a man who slipped into homes in the dark of night, awakening them in their beds. Some were killed, some raped. In every case, he was careful enough to get away. McNamara's book went deep into the case files as she gained the trust of investigators to retrace his frightening, frustrating steps.

We now know who he was - a one-time police officer who abruptly stopped his crimes and went on to live a seemingly normal life. We know DNA helped solve what once appeared to be unsolvable. But at the time of her writing, he was still a monster without a face. And, while the book (and her life) ends without McNamara discovering the killer's identity, she sets the table for the dessert that would come two years later.

As I mentioned, I read this book when I was away from home, sleeping in a large, dark hotel room in Arizona. It made falling asleep difficult, but more than kept my attention. Was it the best-written book I've ever read? No. And I didn't expect it to be. But, as a reporter, I was enthralled by the meticulous detail she went through in order to lay out a case that spanned years and miles of highway.

The hardest part about reading this book was not stopping to Google details of the case now that the suspected killer is in custody. As soon as I was done, I dove deep into current articles to see if any of the theories about the man held up.

Should you read it? If you enjoy true crime, yes. If you worry about who may be stalking your darkened yards and streets at night, I wouldn't recommend it...

The North Water

To begin, a warning: this ain't no summer read. I may have read it in the summertime, but this isn't the "relax, escape and get away from it all" kind of book. This shit is dark and cold and unforgiving, much like the setting where it takes place. Still, I managed to read it in a single day, which should give you some idea of how rich and compelling it is.

The North Water is the story of a crew of men on a whaling ship in the 1800s. They all have a reason for being there; none of those reasons seems particularly noble. One man, Patrick Sumner, is an Irish surgeon trying to hide from a dubious act was involved in while in the Army. Another man, Henry Drax, seems like the very embodiment of the seven deadly sins. You know from page five or so that this isn't going to be a carefree tale. And the deeper the crew gets into the cold ice floes of the ocean, you realize that with nearly every page turn comes unspeakable horror.

It's hard to recommend this book because of the dark nature of what happens on and off the deck of The Volunteer. But, if you can get through descriptions of the worst of what man can do to one another, you may come through on the other side with a deep appreciate for how Ian McGuire brings this world to life.

If you're seeking relaxation or even redemption from a book, keep looking. But, if you want flawed characters, vidid scenery and page-flipping storylines, grab this book. Though, you may want to wait until winter to crack it open.

Perfect

You've heard it so often, it's an obvious cliche. Don't judge a book by its cover. In this case, I don't mean the actual book, as the cover is quite nice. I mean the family and characters you'll find inside it.

I didn't know anything about this book before I picked it up and I'm genuinely worried that anything I write here will give too much away. I chased down this book and any other by Rachel Joyce after reading The Music Shop earlier this summer (link to review). That book was damn near perfect itself. Her characters and dialogue were so rich and compelling, I knew it couldn't be a fluke.

The family in this book embodies perfect in the 1970s. Businessman father, devoted wife, two lovely children. For the mother in this book, nothing is ever out of place and nearly everything is for show. But, very early on, you sense the cracks in the facade. And, when a sudden turn of events shifts the young son's world on its axis, nothing will ever be the same.

Was it the two "leap seconds" added that year that destroyed everything? Or was the incident that broke them all going to happen no matter what?

As I said, I don't want to reveal too much, as there are so many layers and players here. While I didn't love it quite as much as The Music Shop, it's a fantastic read.

Wonderful Tonight

It's the dream, right? To be someone's muse? Maybe it's just me, but the idea that my very existence could stir deep creative feelings is pretty powerful stuff. I find myself wishing certain songs were written with me in mind (Shameless, She's Always a Woman & John Legend's All of Me come to mind.) Alas, it has not happened - at least not that I know of. So, I'll live vicariously through one of rock and roll's greatest muses, Ms. Pattie Boyd.

It's sort of embarrassing to admit, but while I knew of Pattie Boyd, I didn't know she had written this book until I read about it in Elle magazine. Specifically, I read an interview in which Taylor Swift questioned Boyd about her life. I'm not a T-Swift fan, but the Boyd half of the article was enough for me to place it on my library 'holds' list immediately.

Pattie Boyd was a model and photographer in her own right. But, much of her public life was defined by the men she loved. Or, more specifically, the men who loved her. First, she met George Harrison at the height of Beatlemania. He loved her so much, he wrote the song "Something" about her "Something in the way she moves attracts me like no other..." That's a hell of a love letter, George. But, life wasn't all Yeah Yeahs and Ob-La-Das. He got heavily into drugs and chanting and wasn't really navigating well the fame that comes with being a part of the most famous musical group of all time. So, while she loved George and he clearly loved her, another man was waiting in the wings with Boyd as his muse.

That man was legendary musician - and, friend of George Harrison - Eric Clapton. During her marriage to Harrison, Clapton was everything but subtle about his love for Pattie Boyd. After reading an old Arabian poem about forbidden love that contained a character named Layla, he attached that name to Boyd. Yeah, that little song Layla? That's about her, too. Eventually, she gave into the passionate musician, divorced Harrison and married him. And, if you couldn't guess from the title of her memoir, Clapton's Wonderful Tonight is about her, too. He literally wrote it about her while she was getting ready to go out and couldn't decide on an outfit. If my husband's waiting impatiently for me to get ready to go somewhere, he sure as hell aint writing songs about it. See? I'm no muse.

The book follows Boyd's life through the 1960s and 70s with a perspective very few could share. She saw rock and roll not from the stage but from the wings. She was close enough to feel the trappings of fame and yet far enough removed to feel the weight it brings on families left at home. You read this book wishing for a better outcome for all of them, already knowing how quickly some of those lights burned out.

The writing in this book isn't terrific and I found myself wishing Boyd would choose herself instead o these men. But, she's raw and real about what happened and her role in all of it. And, the desperate love letters from Clapton are worth more than the price of admission.

In many ways, this is a cautionary tale about blind passion and love. It's also a fascinating look inside an era of music we'll likely never see again. 

She may have lost in love and missed her opportunity to have a family. But, those songs are a hell of a trade off.

Starvation Heights

There are secrets all around us. Mysteries from the past that some would prefer stay buried. This is one of those stories that, despite living in Washington for almost 20 years, I've never heard. And, the book that pulls back the curtain on a madwoman will absolutely stay with me.

Before I read this book, I had never heard of the little town of Olalla. It's an unincorporated community on the Kitsap Peninsula, a long way from where I live. I had also never heard of Dr. Linda Hazzard. But, the author of this book lives there now and when he heard about Dr. Hazzard and the old sanitarium she ran, he dove deep into the secrets of this community.

Early in the 20th century, two wealthy British sisters found themselves under Dr. Hazzard's care. She had written about fasting and how abstaining from food from long periods of time could cure almost any ailment. The sisters weren't sick, per se, but had money and time and were fascinated by this method. As soon as they came under her care, their health declined and it took extreme circumstances to bring Dr. Hazzard's methods into light and, ultimately, into the criminal justice system.

This book is fascinating in its detail and research. It's a troubling look at life at that time, in that remote part of the country. It gets tedious at times as every detail is recounted, from initial starvation to a criminal trial. Still, it's a compelling read on a haunting subject, as you try to imagine these two helpless sisters, literally starving and cut off from the world.

It also leaves open the possibility of so many more victims who came under Dr. Hazzard's spell.