I took another detour, folks, but I swear, this book was calling me. I was walking through Target (as one does - often), and saw this bright pink cover. I'm a sucker for pink, it lured me in. I thumbed through a couple of pages of what was clearly some sort of self-help book, then put it down and moved on. I don't buy books like this, come on. I'm totally fine and content and not stressed at all.
Yeah. Right.
I went home without it, but found myself at Target the next day (as one does.) This time, I knew it was coming home with me. But, do you want to know something really dumb? I hid it. No, I didn't steal it! But, I hid it as I walked through the aisles and finished my shopping. I stashed it in the basket under my 30% off tank top and next to my clearance jewelry, hoping no one would see what I was buying.
How dumb is that?
I mean, it's dumb in many respects because no one is really looking in my cart to see what I'm buying (are they? Well, all those South Hill Spokane moms are buying the same things - wine, activewear, scarves and jewelry - so what do they care anyway?) But, it's really dumb because why should any of us be ashamed to do things to better our lives? Somehow, though, we are. Which is why I had to buy the book.
Emily Ley is a married mom who happens to have a thriving business selling amazing planners (I'm a planner junkie, so I already knew of her work.) Her Simplified Planners have the same goal most moms have: keep track of your chaotic life, while somehow finding the time for quiet and fulfillment. Oh, and, it should look pretty, too. The reality is, that's really hard to do. So, her book offers real-life perspective on finding the time for what matters and never forgetting who is really in control,
The title - and, book - focus on grace. I have to admit, that's a word I really struggle with. It's really hard to graciously accept that we're not 100% in control. I'm a faithful person, I truly believe in God and the power of prayer and that much of our lives are pre-determined. But, believing that and having the grace to accept it are two different things.
See that guy with the rock? That's how I feel a lot of the time. In Greek mythology, Sisyphus was punished by the Gods and condemned to a life of futility. He had to roll the boulder up hill, only to watch it roll down again. Over and over and over. Life can feel a lot like that. You work so hard for one thing and, just as it's settled, you find yourself at the bottom of that hill - or another hill - doing it over again. From under that boulder, it's easy to lose perspective. This book helped me snap all of it back into focus, if only for a minute.
In her book, Ley talks of finding the times in your life that feel the most out of control - and, fixing them. She shares how her family divides chores to speed along the process and balance the responsibilities. She talks about setting aside time on Sunday evenings to go over the week's calendars with her husband. She shares her method for cleaning up the house so that you wake up every day with a toy-free living room and a sparkling sink. These aren't huge concepts; but, you can easily incorporate them into your life to take at least some of the chaos away. The idea is to get those things out of the way, so you can spend more time doing the things that fill your soul, like reading with your kids or enjoying a quiet evening to read.
She goes into the big concepts, too. Why are we so over-scheduled? Why do we feel this incredible pressure to be perfect? It's Pinterest birthday parties or nothing for so many of us. You watch others live their lives through the lens of their social media feeds and, while you know in your heart that it's all over-curated bullshit, you still kill yourself to live up to the ideal. But, who's ideal is it? If we all agree it's bullshit, why do we keep stressing over it?
Ley points out all the chaos that we bring into our own lives, then complain that it is there. Being content is really hard and we're always searching for that "thing" that will fill some hole we can't yet admit is there. "Our mailboxes are full. Our inboxes are full. Our closets, pantries, bookshelves and cabinets are full," she writes. "How do we expect to fit in time for playing on the floor with little ones? Or date nights without cell phones?"
Right? It's time to accept contentment and do what makes us happy.
She also talks about the seasons of our lives and this is what resonated most with me. When you have small children, you feel like this stage of life will never end. Someone always needs something, there's no time for you. There's always Legos on the floor, dishes in the sink and dirt on the nice bathroom hand towels. Someone always needs you to fall asleep in their bed, killing the one hour of solitude you look forward to all day. It's always LOUD. Okay, yeah, I just described life in my house with two boys. Writing it down now, it feels dumb to complain about. Like Emily, I prayed for these boys, we struggled to get pregnant. I have close friends who have lost children and others parenting kids with severe special needs. What the hell do I have to complain about? We need that perspective. And, we need to remind ourselves that this time of life won't last forever. As every empty nester will tell you, we'll miss the snuggles and the constant companionship. We'll miss this season of our lives. As Elton John said in a lyric I think of often, "Don't wish it away." We need to find a way to accept - with grace.
I'm on the precipice of change in my life. There are decisions ahead that I know I will have to make that will alter the course of things for me and for my family. I appreciate this book in offering some control in the chaos. So much is out of our control, so we need to find a way to structure what we can and roll with the rest. And, have the courage to make the small decisions, too.
We have to accept that life is not perfect, despite what that beautiful, put together, smiling mom might portray on Facebook.
Do I have it all figured out after reading this? No. Hell no. But, it helped. And, I won't be lending this book out or selling it to the bookstore. I need this. I need it on my nightstand after a chaotic day. I need it in my car when I find myself tearing up on the way to work because of the expectations of the day ahead. I need it on my desk when everyone has a question or a problem or a minor catastrophe that needs my attention, despite the fact I'm trying to eat my lunch and finish a thought.
We all need it. And, we shouldn't be embarrassed to admit it.
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