55. Girl Logic

You never forget your first.

I remember so well the first time I watched Iliza Shlesinger do standup. I was at the gym and I needed to be distracted. I need to watch or listen to something so that I won't hear myself wheezing on the treadmill. I scanned Netflix and saw one of her standup specials. I ended up having to stop several times on the treadmill because I was laughing so hard (and not because I was out of shape, you have no proof of that.)

Anyway, I fell in love with her that day. Her comedy isn't just funny, it's smart. It's sexy without being sexual for no reason. And, her observations about the insanity of women are so spot on, you find yourself thinking she must have been eavesdropping last time you were out with your friends.

I've come to love her even more through her social media accounts, where she's not only funny and smart and strong, but unapologetic about her feminism.

I had to have this book.

That's girl logic, in a nutshell. It's that voice in all of our heads that send us spiraling into confusion as we overthink every decision. It's what separates men and women - that constant second-guessing. Some of it, we can't help. Women aren't "allowed" to be sweet AND strong. We can't be both funny AND sensitive. So, we find ourselves shrinking to be what others expect of us. And, we make a lot of really stupid decisions.

Shlesinger's book, like her comedy, is observational about women, without falling into the stereotypes of "crazy bitches" and "stupid girls." It explains why we often act this way - and, better yet, gives us plenty of reasons to stop.

What I love is the way she talks about herself. Her self-awareness is empowering, as she can describe her thick legs without apologizing for doing squats. That sounds like a weird example, but I can't tell you how much better I felt about my life when I acknowledged once and for all that I have legs like a speedskater and, if they're big, I might as well make them strong (that's plagiarism - Iliza literally says this in the book.) But, it's accepting those little things that take us from shrinking violets to badass... other flowers that signify strength. Whatever those might be.

"I have to stop myself once and hour and remind myself that the universe isn't against me."

Does that sound like you? It's totally me. My girl logic tells me that the actions of others are very often the result of something I did. I know I'm not alone in this. Guy doesn't text you back? Must have been that shirt you wore. Didn't get that job? You must have blown the interview. Women have a tendency to believe we've done something wrong most of the time. This book eloquently reminded me: it's not about you. It almost never is.

I found myself laughing, which I expected. I didn't expect this book to make me emotional. I didn't expect it to make me say "right on" out loud like I'm in a Beat Generation poetry reading. And, I didn't expect to come out of it on the other side less apologetic for the strengths that have gotten me where I am.

"Always do things your way first. If you have an idea for a project, lay it out there. If you love someone, say it..."

Ain't that the truth? But, how often do we not pay attention to the voice in head that tells us to look out for ourselves? It's okay to put yourself first. It's fine to look out for your own best interests. You can do that without stomping on everyone around you. And, you can stand up for yourself without worrying that other people are going to call you "hysterical." Let 'em talk. 

So, yeah, I loved this book. It's not all "badass bitches, unite!" There are really funny things in here about how to text certain types of dudes, the types of fashion you should never wear, etc. But, more than that, it's an absolute confidence builder for women who know they're strong and smart and have a voice, but maybe aren't quite comfortable with how to use it.

And, dudes? You should read it, too. At least if you want to understand where our heads are at once in awhile...