Know My Name

This book needs to be a textbook.

It needs to be required reading for every law student, every journalist, every HUMAN BEING. This book is axis-shifting and transforming. The person who told me to stop whatever I was doing in that moment and read it was absolutely right.

Now, I'm telling that to all of you.

After reading this, I hate to use this as an identifier, but Chanel Miller is the woman who was sexually assaulted by Stanford swimmer Brock Turner. The fact that he gets that biographical intro and she has the victim moniker to introduce her is exactly the problem this book tries to address. Any illusion any of us have that victims are taken care of and protected is an absolute sham. Even if you knew that on some level, this book will find that point driven further into the deepest part of their soul.

The first most of us knew about Chanel Miller the human came when her victim impact statement was released. Millions of people read it online. Many, myself included, read it through blurry eyes with tears streaming down our faces. This book is the story behind that statement and everything that came after it.

Consider this: Chanel Miller only told two people outside of her family that she was the Stanford rape victim. So, the entire time leading up to the trial, people she knew and loved would talk about the case and she would suffer in silence. She read stories about the case online and the horrifically insensitive comments that people with zero knowledge of the case wrote about her. She ended up unemployed, broke, unsettled beyond belief - but still with faith that justice would come at the end of it. She describes in honest and excruciating detail the isolation and loneliness of that process, even though she was surrounded by family and her boyfriend.

Also consider that she doesn't remember at all what happened. She remembers before - and, then she woke up in the hospital with her hair littered with hundreds of pine needles, her underwear gone and nurses ready to conduct a rape examination. Imagine not being able to account for a huge chunk of your life and knowing that, in those moments, you were violated. She was saved because of two Swedes on bicycles who came upon the attack and saw a man victimizing an unconscious woman and chased him down.

The book leads through that unimaginable purgatory and into the trial where she had to face this asshole and have his attorney try to destroy her credibility because she was a woman at a frat party in a tight dress who had too much to drink. Even though I knew the jury would find Brock Turner guilty, I found myself in tears - released, somehow - by that tiny victory. But, as a reader, you know the great injustice that would follow. You brace yourself for Chanel all over again.

"It was time to see what justice looked like. We threw open the doors and there was nothing."

There is so much here that we don't hear of enough. We talk about rape victims by defining them as the act that was committed against them. We tell biographical details of perpetrators and leave the victims as objects of doubt. We look away because it's easier. But, this book forces us to stare directly at this. Stare at the double standards and the rape culture and the male toxicity. Stare at it and call bullshit on the whole damn thing.

Chanel's victim impact statement went viral and she became a hero in the MeToo movement. Hillary Clinton quoted her in her concession speech. We all believed time was most certainly up. But, honestly, what has really changed? There are so many Brock Turners out there, so many judges unwilling to sacrifice a (white) felon's potential for justice. So many universities who care more about covering their collective asses than actually stepping forward to do what's right.

This book isn't the final chapter, but it actually did leave me with hope.

I was in tears so many times in this book. The way Chanel talks about her sister, the way she worries about the impact on her parents, the frustration over the system as a whole. But, as it came to a close, I cried as much for her grace in telling this story unflinchingly. The lives she will save by showing victims they may feel isolated, but maybe they aren't alone.

Towards the end of the book, she describes the frustration of dealing with Stanford, which seemed more interested in preventing litigation that preventing actual rape. They promised to build her a garden with a quote from her victim impact statement, then rejected every quote she chose. She described wishing she could sit in that space behind that dumpster near a frat house, telling someone about the "real" hopeful garden - the spot where the bystanders brought her attacker to the ground: "Ninety feet away from where yous it, there is a spot where Brock's knees hit the dirt..."

I clenched a fist in victory for her, tears streaming down my cheeks.

My Dark Vanessa

Dark is the operative word here.

This book is dark. 

A co-worker suggested I read this and I trust her opinion on books so implicitly, I didn't even question it. She wanted me to read it because there's so much about to discuss. Then, I read it and this whole coronavirus situation happened and she has been working remotely and now I have no one with whom to discuss it. Except for you guys! Thanks!

It's a book about a high school student who begins a sexual relationship with her teacher. I hate even saying it like that. It's her teacher, grooming and sexually abusing her. The story shifts back and forth from that time in her life to her time years later as an adult as we see the way the abusive relationship has affected them both (spoiler alert: her life is destroyed. His - at least initially - is not.)

Some have described this book as a modern retelling of Lolita, a book the teacher gives to Vanessa, among others. I've read some reviews that describe their relationship as complicated, as she "initiates" and "encourages" much of the contact and the continued relationship. I fall so far on the other side of this. I think this was sexual abuse, plain and simple.

There's a quote here that encompasses his blaming her, which is among the more troubling subplots of this book. "The world has a vested interest in keeping you helpless," he told her. The interest was all his, however. Her being helpless kept her dependent on him, long after the two were physically separated.

It's a tale that rings true across true and fictionalized versions of affairs and sexual abuse. I saw it in the true stories depicted in Three Women, a book I reviewed last year. The men seem to walk away from these situations unscathed. The woman take all the blame and all the aftermath.

It is a fascinating read from a young girl's perspective and a story we hear about all too often. It's dark nature makes it hard to call the book "good" but, it's well-written and a fast read, as you just find yourself praying she will eventually find a way out.

Savage Appetites

Did you know there's something called CrimeCon? Where people gather together in convention center hotels and talk about true crime? It's a real thing - and women flock to it every year.

What is this obsession with true crime? Women are less likely than men be victims of crime, perpetrators of crime, investigators of crime, prosecutors of crime and adjudicators of crime. Yet, networks like Oxygen thrive with female viewership. When the network initially changed a block of programming to true crime, ratings in that daypart went up by 42%. They rebranded the whole network - and it's one of many.

I learned that fact from this fascinating book, which explores the female fascination with crime from four unique perspectives: an heiress-turned-dedicated investigator before her time; a woman so obsessed she moved into the guest house at the old Sharon Tate estate, then intertwined herself in Tate's family's life; a woman who fell in love with an inmate; and a young woman obsessed with mass murder who nearly carried out one herself.

It explores every angle of that obsession. Why do women flock to this? To feel like we have control? To feel prepared? To feel safe? To feel scared?

I'm the daughter of a woman who reads voraciously about crime. Once, I brought home court files from the Green River Killer and she read them like a novel. I believe she once said she read The Shining while I was in utero. Still, I don't get it. I'm not a Dateline girl. Monroe's book peers into why many women are - and, why that obsession can be both liberating and debilitating.

This is a fascinating exploration of four unique stories and the women who found themselves in deeper than they ever would have expected to go. At times, each section got a little more into the minutia than was probably necessary. Still, if you find yourself fascinated by the people fascinated by other people's crimes, it's an interesting look behind the curtain into their world.

On Being 40(ish)

Maybe the 40s are that magical decade where you realize the only story that matters is your own. That's pretty badass if it's true. But, maybe it's also why there was nothing in this book that really cut through.

As a 40ish woman myself, I thought this book of essays might provide some sort of perspective about what's important at this phase of life. You're not young anymore, but you're nowhere near old either. Most often, we're out of the phase of having babies and toddlers at home and we're just now beginning to reclaim our bodies and our lives. I already know this - this is not a mystery - but, I guess I was seeking something a little deeper in this book of essays.

The stories ranged from parenting to friendships to just life in general. None were terrible, none were great. Or, maybe it's just that, at this age, our own stories are a whole lot more interesting.

Two Girls Down

So, I read this book last week, pretty quickly, mostly while traveling. It was interesting and compelling enough that I didn't want to stop reading. Now, 8 days after finishing it, I don't remember many specifics.

I don't fault the book entirely. Between an engrossing conference last week and the insanity of the coronavirus this week, my brain is pretty much shot! But, looking back, this book felt pretty predictable and didn't have much to set it apart.

Two Girls Down starts with the disappearance of two young girls. They're sisters with a less-than-perfect mom who disappear from a parking lot while their mom is shopping inside. While police begin their search, the family hires a bulldog of a private investigator who flies across the country and dives headlong into the case. She pairs up with a local PI who used to be a cop and relies on a hacker to provide her with the kind of information even the police could never find on their own.

It's twisty and turny as she peels back the layers of this crime and this town. Just as it starts to really pick up, it somehow starts to drag, as if the author really wanted to extend what she thought was a riveting climax. By the time you get to the last page, you realize the book could have ended multiple times in the 40 or so pages before.

This book is fine. It's entertaining. But, there are too many obvious plot twists and not quite enough character developments to make it special.

This Will Only Hurt a Little

Not much more I need to say than the fact I knocked this sucker out in one day! So many people told me to read Busy Phillips' book, I'm not sure what took me so long to get there. But, I was hooked instantly and I'm so glad I went on this journey.

I've been a fan of Busy since Freaks and Geeks, arguably one of the greatest, most underrated TV series of all time. There's something so unique about her, you find yourself unable to look away. That's how I felt about her memoir. There's a lot here. There's funny, tragic, brutally honest.. and, all of it is told in her unmistakable voice.

I was searching immediately for why so many people had said I should read this book. Then, she talked about wearing Esprit and playing with Pound Puppies and instantly, we were 80's girls on the playground together. 

A few chapters later, she talked about a boyfriend who told her she laughed too loud; I knew then we were soul sisters. That fact alone is really all you need to know about my new kinship with Busy Phillips.

It's unflinching and open, just like her Insta stories (which, coincidentally provided a massive boost to her career.) Whether she's talking about her own ambitions or her relationships, you'll find yourself relating in a way you would probably not expect. She's honest about the challenges of motherhood - and parenting - in a way you don't often see.

I loved every word and every chapter. And, I'd swap Benetton sweaters with her any day.

We Will Rise

Writing this review is going to hurt a little bit. Because, while I read this a few weeks ago, I'm finally getting around to writing this review one day after the NCAA cancelled March Madness. I'm a massive college basketball fan and the NCAA tournament is my favorite sporting event of the year. Of all the chaos of the coronavirus impacts, this cancellation is when I knew this shit was really real.

So, I mourn college basketball.

This book reminds us that it's deeper than that.

I had never heard the story before about the plane crash in 1997 that killed the entire University of Evansville basketball team. This book recounts not only that crash, but the decades before that helped link this town to this team - and, the years after, when they had to rebuild the program entirely.

Evansville is like so many midwestern towns, built on industry and full dependent on it. For Evansville, it was Whirlpool and military manufacturing. That's what built the bones; this basketball team gave it its heart. The author grew up there and you can feel that connection deeply in his writing.

All along as the book is building, you meet the coaches and players that you know as a reader will die in this awful crash, shortly after takeoff. You hold your breath as their plane takes off. Your heart breaks as you hear how their families and colleagues got the terrible news.

The crash comes about mid-way, then you follow along as the program defines itself. Then, it all culminates in a pivotal game in which they just happen to face off against my alma mater, Marquette University! I won't share how that game turned out and what happened next, but I will say that I'm enough of a college basketball freak I was actually nervous about a game that took place when I was not quite four years old!

This book tells a powerful story about the link between our communities and college basketball. I can't imagine it resonating any better than it does right now.