Why We Can't Sleep

 

-One doctor is quoted as saying "What happens to you in your forties, as a woman, will determine how long you live, will determine how happy you are for the next forty years."

That's a hell of a wakeup call who were born before the Thriller album but after disco. Or at least in the waning age of disco. It's just one of the realizations laid out in this book which I didn't know how badly I needed to read.

First of all, it feels weird to describe this stage of my life as "mid-life." Once I got past that, this book felt like visiting a therapist. It specifically describes this phase of life for those of us defined as "Generation X." The author describes some things women have felt for generation at this point in their lives, but also explains the unique challenges brought by the time in which we were born.

We're a generation that was born without the internet, but who use it with ease now. We watched the Challenger explode as cross-legged elementary school kids. We are the daughters of women who went back to work and were expected to "have it all" - and, we're now spending more time with our kids than our moms ever did, while also working full-time.

It felt like venting to a friend and having the friend share the same feelings right back, which would be great to do with actual friends if we weren't all so damn busy.

There was a line in this book that I should have written down, but that is seared in my memory. It was, essentially, how the world stops looking at women in their 40s. We're not desirable to men younger than us or men older than us. We're seen as moms and co-workers, not complicated or interesting sexual beings. We can resist or we can acquiesce; either way, the ship called Prime of Our Lives has most certainly sailed.

There is so much to worry about, so much to carry. But, this book reminded me that what I'm feeling has meaning and purpose and why. If you're of the age that you remember when Britney was on the Mickey Mouse Club and Shannen Doherty was everywhere, this book might be just what you need.